Reacting to my environment

My first response to any external stimuli is usually emotional then in a very distant second is my rational response. There's a time and place for both but as an adult I still struggle with how I respond.

Like many of my behaviors, this goes back as far as I can remember. I'm working on trying to understand the 'why' and how I can, as and adult, become more emotionally mature.

My relationships have suffered because how I react in an emotional and immature manner which has alienated many people in my life. It bums me out but that is also something I need to accept and move on with what I have.

Comments

Race Categories:

(From the newest member of the PureJenius.net staff (who, by the way, is paid >well So I've been perusing the MCF board tonight and I still can't believe how many guys are whining about the races and race categories that promoters choose for races. I'm pretty good at whining too, so here goes: I'm a 35+ Cat 3 woman who will show up for the St. Cloud Crit and have to toe the line with Cat 1/2 guys - I don't give a shit that they're 50+, their license still says Cat 1 or 2 (and 3/4/5) and they race like Cat 1/2s. What's that you say, it's a ROY race, so we'll be scored separately? Okay cool, then I'll completely overlook the fact that the race will blow apart on about lap 1.5 and I'll spend the remainder of the race with 3 or 4 other women if I'm lucky or I'll assume the time trial position and ride around in circles by myself. Should be fun. Oh, I should shut my trap because if I think the 50+ guys are too fast and furious, I s...

Back Again

Running up hill on sand is tough, a lot of effort with little gains. That is what this past year has felt like. While I feel I have my ADHD somewhat under control, I still struggle with depression, impulsiveness, and emotional fluctuations. I also stopped therapy. I thought for a while that I was okay and could handle life but only to find that I still need help. I’ll be meeting with a new therapist later this week and am hopeful for a fresh perspective and is someone who will hold me accountable. I feel like my last therapist was the start I needed. I was lost in how and where and what to work on. I feel I was able to get things in motion and found some direction. I confused those first few steps with being well on my way to recovery. I’m bummed that it took me a year to gain that perspective because if I stuck with it I would actually further along in my recovery. I don’t resent or feel guilt for falling back into old routines. I would only feel guilty if I didn’t tr...

Slow

My low self esteem dates back to my early childhood. I grew up in a household where I was to be seen and not heard. I was told quite often that nothing in the house was mine because I did not pay for it. I was not allowed to have an opinion or challenge the patriarch and authority. This continued through to my adult life and continued to shape how I felt about myself. I wasn't ever going to be good enough. It weighs deep with me today. I have very low self worth and self esteem. I don't feel like I belong in social situations with people who, from my own perspective, are normal. If they only knew how fragile of a person I am, it would be game over for me. It shouldn't matter to me anymore as I have proven, to myself, that I came from behind to catch up with my peer group from an educational and professional standpoint. It still weighs on me, I feel like others look at me and think that I must not be that smart because I'm only an XYZ at my job and not an ABC. Of course...

pure jenius.

Search This Blog