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Normalizing

 I need an outlet. 

I need to say these things out loud.

For many years, a vast majority of my life, I have suffered from depression, ADHD, anxiety, complete lack of self worth. 

I have been trying for the last two years to work on these things with the help of medication and a therapist. I feel like I have an understanding of how I got here, but don't feel like I've made progress. 

As I have learned more about myself and the nature vs. nurture of development, I am now struggling with regret, embarrassment, resentment, and a whole host of other things. 

At times I feel like I've hit rock bottom, mentally and emotionally, only to find there continues to be a new rock bottom.  

I feel like I have worked more on putting up a front of my personality instead of being who I truly am. I struggle, every day. I can't sleep at night because that's when I tend to hyper focus on made up situations that reinforce my belief that everyone is living heir best life except me.

I'm trying to open myself up to be vulnerable and push against a lifetime of feeling terrible. 

I want my story to be part of normalizing mental health struggles in men. I'm only one person and only one story, but stories from professional athletes, actors, and other high profile men are coming out and gives me solace that I am not alone.

More to come.

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