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Ebb and Flow

 There was a several week span from late April to early May were my depression, anxiety, and ADHD were spiraling and was making a mess of things. It had been a while since it was THAT bad. My therapist has told me to try and focus on what may have caused everything. In the moment it is hard to focus on something like that. Those of us (well, at least me) with ADHD aren't exactly capable of spending the time digging into the details of anything. 

A few weeks have passed and I'm closer to a more "normal" and stable routine. My depression and anxiety have subsided for now, but my ADHD is commonplace for me. When I look back at those few weeks and try to think of how I got there, I can't put my self in my own shoes and understand. Even now, when things are "normal" I can't dig into why and how I am back to normal. 

When my depression comes fast and thick, it takes a lot of effort and energy to hold myself together and move through the day. It is exhausting. I do understand myself enough that I can push against it some to slow the decent and also if I just go through the motions I'll eventually come out of it. 

My short term goal is to be able to at least identify when I start the downward slide and try to catch what may be causing it. The ebb and flow of my depression is unpredictable, it could be many months until my next slide, or it could be next week. 

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