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Night Time is Never the Right Time

 The problem with night time is when everything around me quiets down my mind starts racing. It kicks into overdrive and magnifies anything that is bothering me. Since my mind is not distracted by anything else, it runs through every scenario that brings me discomfort, unhappiness, pain, and fuels my anxiety. I'm stuck in this cycle were I can't stop it and can't be rational. 

Like I said before, I struggle over the weekends. Regardless of how my weekend goes or how tired I make myself, I'm left with night time struggles that can sometimes go until 3 a.m. which causes even more problems the next night. I spiral out of control and cannot get any grip on reality to stabilize myself. 

As I write this, it is starting to get late into the night. As tired as I am, I am not able to fall asleep, what is currently causing me trouble is how much inflation is having an impact on everything we buy and the stress of spending money on things we don't need has fueled my anxiety tonight. Also I'm wrapped around the axle about trying to squeeze in time this week for exercise. Being able to stay on top of exercising consistently helps keep me in some emotional balance. However, the other side of the coin is that if I can't fit in exercising to my schedule is stresses me out as well. A total double edge sword.

I'm full of these things that impact me like this. Physically I am tense, my muscles are tight, my core temperature increases and I get hot. I cannot get into a comfortable position to sleep.

I try to distract myself by watching TV, which helps and takes me away from my racing mind and I start to get sleepy. But the second I turn off the TV my mind starts racing again. It becomes a battle of just wearing me out until I fall asleep.

I'm going on several weeks of this. The fight continues. 

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