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Powderhorn Park CX

A few weeks ago we decided to kid-sit homegirl's two nephews (3.5 and 5 years old). The 5-year-old, makes you want to have kids. The 3.5-year-old makes you not want kids. It was fun since this was the first time the little guys had a sleep over at our house. All went well, no trips to the hospital and they didn't starve. So I guess I would make a great parent.

Not a bad day today for a CX race. Not a good day either...but it got us out of the house on a gloomy October Sunday. The only cx bike I have is my Bianchi San Jose singlespeed (commuter geometry and straight up old-school steel). The course was pretty wide open and the park is hilly so I chose to run a 39x17 which turned out to be a really good gear, but my fitness / lack there of, was my biggest problem. I spent my one hour of pain keeping out of everyone's way and enjoyed hearing cheer for me and yell "go single speed!" So thank you for doing so and making it worth the race. If anyone was standing on the big hill with the stairs, I was trying to ride the whole thing but couldn't.

Tomorrow is a big day for me at work with one of my big projects launching. Thing is, it's flipping a switch and going from Provider I to Provider O and hoping it works. If it works, I'm home by 7:30pm. If not, I'm home at 9:30pm. I hope it works!

- P

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Good thing I'm racing 35+

No lie. - P

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My low self esteem dates back to my early childhood. I grew up in a household where I was to be seen and not heard. I was told quite often that nothing in the house was mine because I did not pay for it. I was not allowed to have an opinion or challenge the patriarch and authority. This continued through to my adult life and continued to shape how I felt about myself. I wasn't ever going to be good enough. It weighs deep with me today. I have very low self worth and self esteem. I don't feel like I belong in social situations with people who, from my own perspective, are normal. If they only knew how fragile of a person I am, it would be game over for me. It shouldn't matter to me anymore as I have proven, to myself, that I came from behind to catch up with my peer group from an educational and professional standpoint. It still weighs on me, I feel like others look at me and think that I must not be that smart because I'm only an XYZ at my job and not an ABC.  Of course...