pure jenius.

Strats is manning the batyblog right now with updates.

Is today one of the most important days of your life? My day so far has been nothing out of the ordinary. I drove to work since I’m racing the track tonight. I’ve stared at graphs, read through some logs, and done other work things that are completely useless outside of these four walls. If I don’t do my job, I get fired. So what? I can find a new job and still live a normal life. Earlier this month, out of left field, Sarah’s brother-in-law, Chris, was diagnosed with colon cancer. This test lead to that test which lead to finding that the cancer spread to the lymph nodes and possibly to the liver (colon cancer’s second favorite target). I say possibly the liver because x-rays show (I think) 12 spots that are believed to be tumors. At about 1pm this afternoon, Chris’ life will physically change forever. He is having surgery to have about 12 inches of his colon removed, several lymph nodes will be coming out as well, and a biopsy will be done on the spots on his liver. (and here I’m bit

...I had to find a way to clean $32 million. Spending that much on a velodrome would have been a red flag.

...come the spoils: (...oops...wrong picture...)

I've always thought winning a state championship is cool. Today I won my 4th MN State Crit Championship ('00, '02, '04, '08) and could not have done it without Pellis. Our team was down in Chicago so that left the two of us facing off with something like 7 Grand Stay riders. There were some interesting strategies going on that allowed me to pretty much sit on most of the race. Blah blah blah...5 laps to go Ian Stafford attacked and got a gap on the field. I rolled to the front to slowly reel him in, as expected, Doug attacked on the hill with, I think, 3 to go and got a small gap. I found Pellis and asked him if he had legs to win, he said no. I asked if he could bring Doug back, he said yes. Game on. Paul got to the front and began a Dale Sedgwick esque chase (if you don't know what that is, then I'm not going to tell you). On the last lap, Paul timed catching Doug perfectly, right at about 250m to the finish (at the bottom of the hill). Due to the uphill f

"My ass is like a magnet for your eyes." I have to remember that.

But I now officially hate SuperWeek:

We went up to Mary, MN for some bike riding on Saturday. Pat really wanted to get ready for Holy Hill next week at SuperWeek. He attacked about 43 times during the race. It was really windy. Really cool course, cooler than the other Marty race. Not sure I would call it a sprinters classic. The hill, combined with the wind made for a rather difficult stretch, one which I cramped really bad on the last time up and couldn't cover the acceleration at the top. Pat saw that happen and sat on the back of the lead group while I bridged back up on the flat. Pat was getting hollered at for not pulling through (See also, Bike Racing 101: When you have teammate(s) bridging up to the group you are in, you tend not to pull through and help the group until your teammate(s) have joined). Dale started the lead-out at probably 42 mph, then Pat took over and finished it off at 45 mph. He won, I was second. Dale missed getting gas money by one spot. Hokkins: More bike riding on Sunday. The race was pr

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why is spencer how's last name spelled haugh? i know why the track was all smiles and puppy dogs...cat 6 brought cookies. it is possible to be fiber rich and poopie poor. am I the only one concerned about the absence Donimator? No blog posts, no track appearances, no boat being pulled to Giro D'kot Tek for no reason. i ride my bike to work and am farty most of the day...am I still carbon neutral? because there is a street torn up by my house, i end up riding past smither's house on my morning commute. i would stop by and ask if i could get an espresso from his fancy machine, but the last time i crossed the moat when the draw bridge was up, i got hot grease dumped on my head. we didn't know our neighbor was pregnant until 2 weeks after the baby was born. 12 inches is not enough garden space for summer squash. i laugh when two-year-olds try saying 'Percy' and 'bridge'

Blaine, MN - Once again, the Thursday Night Lights track event was marred by controversy. This week MCF Prez "Skibby" was at the center. He entered the 8-lap scratch race riding with a non-cycling style helmet. The helmet did provide him with an unjust aero advantage. During the first 5 1/2 laps, Skibby was able to set a blistering pace that not even the best of riders could maintain. After proving his point that he has the most aero helmet, he retired from the event with 2 1/2 laps remaining. Skibby could be overheard after the event stating "Now that's a >expletive removed< helmet!" This pre-race photo clearly shows the ANSI and SNELL approved helmet which gave Schaffer undue advantage in the 8-lap scratch race:

Hanz: "Franz...." Franz: "Yes Hanz." H: "I'm sinking his helmet iz no approved."

These people are pissed. WTF did you expect? Let's see, you build your piece of shit McMansion on a former bombing range and you are dumbfounded and pissed that there are bombs in your back yard!? You're a goddamn socket rientist. How about you people that build your houses on landfills, are you going to be pissed that your house is located on top of 30 tons of poopie diapers and Aquafina bottles? OMG, I just realized that the Earth's core is molten hot magma and my house is on top of it! I demand that the government pay boat loads of cash to ensure that my house is safe, nay, I demand that they ensure my yet-to-be-conceived-children are safe from the Earth's core. Think of the children!

....Where the Cat 1 Elite shine. Word of warning to those out there that regularly associate with a cat 1 racer, for the next 8 weeks be prepared to talk about nothing other than how awesome being a cat 1 is. Now that the racing season has been underway for a few months, Cat 1's have their cycling tan lines perfected. Their now golden brown legs give way to a disgustingly pasty white wasteland midway through their thigh. Speaking of thighs, these shaved, toned, and oiled up beauties are what cat 1s are most proud of. They will wear casual shorts that compliment their prized possessions. They will wear expensive sandals that show off their sock tan line (just a subtle reminder to everyone that they have been riding a lot). They will stand, sit, walk...basically pose in such a manner that shows of these muscular beauties. After the legs, the next most important physical attribute to a cat 1 is their weight. With thousands and thousands of miles piled on this year, the cat 1 is down t